Vices we love: April 2006

Sunday, April 23, 2006

temporary post

I'll have something here as soon as I find the doohicky thingie that lets me scan things. 'Cuz I'm a techie.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Super-fun stuff from the legal world

Now, even though EFL is filled to the rafters with the incompetent, the insane, the pathologically dishonest, and the plain perverted, I don't want anyone out there to think that other fields are perfectly normal. However, I am presented with a dilemma: While I spent five years at different law firms, they were either a) staid corporate hacks who paid me outrageous sums to file papers that prevent their clients from paying outrageous sums or b) desperate P.I. (personal injury) hacks who barely paid me a nickel and seriously expected me to do their work for them.

(Sample convo: "Did you argue it with the judge?" "'re the lawyer so it's like, your case and you gotta argue it like they been saying for the last six months." "Oh I'm the lawyer, am I? Well that's just perfect.")

Out of the two, the P.I. hacks were, if not more fun, definitely more interesting. At one stage they shared an office (which they didn't pay for) with a criminal lawyer who of course moved out to avoid being mooched, which led to their eviction a few weeks later. I liked the criminal guy fine, except that he had notions that eight dollars an hour was a princely wage in Brooklyn. But (hence the dilemma), most if not all those stories are confidential. Which means I gotta go elsewhere for my entertainment and we'll get there shortly.

Anyway, that is just an intro to the wonderful world of American law. (As I mentioned before, the U.S. economy seems to be largely based on selling drugs and buying houses and suing the people who sold us structurally unsound houses while on drugs. Thus, lawyers play a large part in this.)

Lawyers, I have discovered, like to blog. Which takes us to today's tidbit from a public defender in the South Bronx. (I have more than a passing familiarity with the area as I once had a chance to rent a studio there for three hundred bucks. And I'd get a discount on every third bullet I dodge.)

So I am reading this, including the links to previous entries that it references, and it's downright fascinating. By the way, I am not saying that I will not meet someone like this in my TEFL career. There is always hope.

Sunday, April 16, 2006


Got an Easter card emailed rom my students. Gotta say Polish Uni kids beat Korean hakwon kids any day and twice on Sundays. The girls of course actually manage to behave even if they pay no attention half the time. One of the drawbacks to teaching in a poor industrial town with no industry left is that it's mighty hard to motivate the students. Still, they are nice enough to express their disillusion simply by not showing up, indulging Asiatown teacher's desire for a student-free classroom environment. (Hey, it's already book-free, why not go all the way?)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Still not a people person

I turn on msn and this is what happens....

where are you?



i‘m a chinese


do I know you?


and the same to me

can I ask why you are messaging me?

i forgot

ok.....just curious is all

are you A girl?

No, a boy

so,homesome guy

yes I am, thank you

could you show your pictures?

oh I don't know....can I see you?

my photo is here

oh you're nice

thank you

turn to you

i saw

what do you think?


Ahhh TEFL.....


Friday, April 14, 2006

Deep throating it Chinese style

Proof that there is an inexhaustable supply of perversion, greed and sheer lunacy for those pursuing the right career path (just my luck!), let's go to Shanghai today and meet the good doctor.

My favorite part is not that he claims to be helping disabled children through a clinic I could not find any trace of, nor that his email address seems invalid (these are both par for the course), or that he has at least one alias (who doesn't?) or that he wants pictures of women's throats no doubt to get his own sick jollies but that he specifically wants said pictures "without obstructions such as clothing or jewelry". Note that the pictures are supposed to be, in part of the "head to pubic hair line" (ambitious, I'll give him that).

This is why I need my M.Ed. lickety-split. So that I, Dr. Jones, can finally open up my clinic for large-breasted teachers to educate orphaned, partially and fully disabled minority children through the use of manuals developed by me. To develop these manuals, I need volunteers to send me videos and color pictures of their naked bodies from collarbone to pelvis without obstructions like clothing or jewelry, unless said jewels are strategically placed and send them to

Closed-minded clothed "teachers" need not apply. To the heck with all you culturally biased bastards!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

O! Gringo!

I had a filthy hippy college prof/advisor once who kept saying stuff like "you're awake in class and don't moon me in front of the other students okay? So that's a twofer."

So today we have a twofer. Two posts that is. And what's the reason? I just got a call from Edinburgh where they think that I'm management material. Just imagine....

"Kids if you're awake in class and refrain from mooning me, you're potentially management material." With lines like that I may become the Bush girls' private tutor.

There is virtually no downside.
Even if it is in Scotland.

Cunning psychopath or lovestruck illiterate?

Miss me? One of the reasons updates have been sparse is that the weather is finally cooperating, allowing me to go outside more often and inhale the carbon monoxide/coal dust tinged air while flittering about, often time wearing a yarmulke ('cuz I get a kick out of freaking out the normals. ;)

Another is that life in a small industrial Polish town which has no industry left does not leave much blogging potential. I imagine that were I more rigorous the last month, my blog would have been something like this:

8:30 am- opened eyes
8:36 am- sat up in bed
8:42 am- brushed teeth. Damn I got good teeth. Combed hair. Hair ain't too shabby either.
8:48 am- got dressed. Decided to wear pants today.
8:55 am- looking for my keys
9:00 am- keys
9:10 am- come on keys!
9:15 am- walking to school. Feels a bit nippy outside. Glad I wore pants.
9:40 am- class time. No books. Students wanna know "why Poland?" Where oh where has the patriotism gone?
10:30 am- class time but nobody is here.
11:15 am- I dig student-free classes
11:45 am- Russian-born dirty pink Jew rat masquerading as upright Polish citizen and school director scowls at me
11:50 am- rather sweet if somewhat easily terrified Polish director hides in her office because said Russian scowled at me
12:15 am- lunch in awowed Commie-style cafeteria up the hill. Will it be pork with potatoes or fried pork with potatoes?
12:30 am- Fried pork with fried potatoes. Fried of course.
1:00 pm- No more classes for the day. Remind me how this is going to shape up into a 300 hour work-study program during the next seven weeks.
1:15 pm- Take a stroll on the Rynek. Nice.
5:15 pm- Fried pork.

So that is it...oh yeah, I almost forgot

3:45 am- call on Skype from whom I can only assume is a student of mine. Claims to be "in love". Not the first student to make such claim.

Which makes me wonder: Does this girl (assuming it's a girl) really have feelings for me and is expressing them at 4 in the morning oblivious to the time of day? OR, is s/he just a garden-variety stalker who can't get enough of my hot quasi-Americanness? OR (the possibilities are endless) is she just a sadistic twerp who messages people at 4 AM at random, claiming to be in love with them?
OR, is she cunningly building a sexual harrassment claim?

Well the mind boggles.

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