They....can't....read

So you spend hours on your CV. You run it by dozens of people. Proofread like a mofo. And then you send it off. In the CV you make crystal clear that your M.Ed. studies are through distance and you are available full-time because of this. The best of both worlds- you have pretensions to education but can still do slave labor. Cool!

So you go to the interview.

"The M.Ed. program....." asks the thoughtful baboon...
"Yes....."
"So, you gave that up?"

DIE.

Anyway, since my cv is for illiterates anyhoo, let's have some fun:


PERPETUAL WANKER
123 Skid Row, Box #4
Contact via Police Dispatcher

Career Objective:
Filthy lucre and fornication


Education:
School of Hard Knocks
Knockology B.A.
Steeltown, Anyplace
1.2 GPA (diploma due upon receipt of payment)

Experience:
Grab the Shovel Son Ltd., Industrial Zone, Poorville
In Perpetuity

Instrumental in watching others grab the shovel.
Supervised complex digging procedures.

Hold Your Nose and Mine Too, Profitstown, D.C.
In a Dream

Grand Theft
Extortion
Infidelity
Cooking white powder
Remonstrating for morals

Moocher-rama, Homeytown
During Repressed Memories

Eating
Sleeping
Emissions


Skills:
I gotz skills

Extracurricular Activities:
I plead the Fifth


See? Took all of five seconds.