Vices we love: Day 0- The scariest place on earth

Monday, August 08, 2005

Day 0- The scariest place on earth

(I am typing from an internet cafe on day 3 and will update later when I have a chance to download pictures from my digital camera.)

My trip started at Seoul Incheon and required a change of flights in Moscow- plus a seventeen hour layover. Moscow is the most terrifying place on earth. I have no pictures of Russia because displaying anything of any value in public is an invitation to homicide. After 80 booze-fueled years as the Evil Empire, Russians have given up ruling the world and now rule the underworld. They make Sicilian mobsters seem like babies. I got there with Aeroflot, an airline that claims to have been in business for 80 years. Most of those years of course were spent being the only airline in Russia and it shows. The following was an actual conversation with the staff:

Me: Hello.
Staff: (Silence.)
Staff: Whaaaaaaaaaat?
Me: My connection does not leave until tomorrow morning, can I sleep on a couch for the night?
Staff: Sleep on floor.

The men were unshaven bleary eyed drinkers, most of whom were from Soviet army and secret service lads who had the look about them that suggested that they had killed a large number of people for equally large sums of money and did not dislike this arrangement. The women were gold diggers of the highest order, except that someone forgot to mention that gold diggers ought to look at least somewhat attractive, a feat that most, their faces streaked with angry red alcoholic welts and their hair dyed a repugnant shade of yellow (not blonde) did not manage. The ladies did wear minimal amounts of clothing and generally acted, both on the plane and at the airport as if farting in your general direction involved too much effort and was deserving of great praise.

I finally got to Budapest at 9:30 the next morning. More on that later.


Blogger Adalmin said...

I'm really sorry, but I'm laughing hysterically at your pain right now.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Miss you lots!!!!


Your girl

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