Vices we love: Poetry day

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Poetry day

I keep trying to get the kids to write but to no avail. Thankfully, Raging Donkey is an excellent website to teach writing, especially the fine art of poetry. For instance:

Ode to that Flat, Furry Thing I Saw on the Highway

While driving down the highway on a sunny summer’s eve,
I looked upon your visage and I felt a bit bereaved,
For though you once went by the name of hedgehog or of cat,
You now looked like a throw rug or a furry little hat.

And though I’ve seen a lot of things, I never realized
That a hedgehog, or a cat, could look so damned surprised.
I wondered, then, what happened when you tried to cross the road,
And if the car that hit you had an extra heavy load.

I wondered if you’d looked up just in time to see the tire,
And what would happen if I stopped and set your coat on fire.
It’s not that I’m sadistic; I get sad when something dies,
But smelly, rotting furry things attract a lot of flies.

And that is why I scraped you off the road that fateful day,
And put you on a gentle bed of gasoline and hay
It’s why I didn’t drive away and leave you lying there,
But rather got you going with that roadside safety flare.

And that was when the cop came by to ask me how you’d died.
I told him what had happened but he thought that I had lied.
He took me to the courtroom where the judge denied me bail,
So thanks to you, you furry fuck, I’m writing this from jail.

And, in the same vein:

Medical Waste

Medical waste, oh medical waste
You’re fun to touch and smell and taste!
Gobs of human fat are here
And look, I found somebody’s ear!

I poke a pulpy, bloody mass
That might have been somebody’s ass
I poke and prod and poke again
And stick my finger in a brain

Here’s a fleshy aberration
From a sex-change operation
Dirty needles, blood-soaked gauze
It’s worthy of sustained applause!

You’re like a human organ haggis
In a plastic garbage baggis
Oh the treasures that you hid!
I think I’ll sell you to a kid

And finally:(Not really- tons more on the website)

Remembrance of Investments

I remember years ago
I had a little extra dough
And so I put it in some stocks
The week before they fell like rocks

Turns out that these companies
Had lied so markets would be pleased
Ratings changed from buy to sell
While I changed mine to burn in hell

Boy I really got frustrated
When their income they restated
From cha-ching to whoopsi-doo
Their spreadsheets naught but piles of poo

Some of them had lots of debt
And still ain’t made no money yet
And thanks to lying CEOs
They almost all hit six-year lows

Now who owns all of my riches?
Greedy corporate sons of bitches
Most of whom got off scot-free
Let’s hear it for the SEC!

Go ahead! Share your poetic vision!


Blogger Adalmin said...

There was a female vampiress
Whose periods were quite stable
So whenever the full moon came
She drank herself under the table.

11:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A lady who was quite blunt
Had a bear trap hidden in her c__t
She looked over and asked "Whaddaya want?"
And I could manage only a grunt.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Adalmin said...

Here I sit in stinky vapour
'cause some bastard stole the toilet paper
Shall I sit
Or shall I linger
Or shall I be forced to use my finger

11:57 AM  
Blogger asiatown77 said...

Shall I stay or shall I go
Or perhaps pee in the snow:
Whatever I decide, I know
There is no place like Tokyo.

12:23 PM  
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