Vices we love: Classify yourself right this instant!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Classify yourself right this instant!

America is, in many ways, a very simple country and interacting with Americans is also dead easy. Fill in the blanks below. (Answers at the end of the post)

American: How are you?
You: (1)________________
American: That's (2)_________. Hey listen. I (3)_______________
You: What (4)________________?
American: I'll make sure you (5)_____________
You: (6)______________!
American: Cool. ________!

One reason this is so easy is because Americans love categories. New Yorker? Jew. Ohioan? Works at a steel mill. Black? Angry. Catholic? Repressed. Works at a steel mill? Football fan. Wears glasses? Nerd. And of course people love to subdivide further. Ohioan from Cleveland? Corrupt. Ohioan from Lucasville? Redneck. Jews are masters of subdivision. Hence, being interviewed by an American Jew (for the Galilee Fellowship btw) is an experience in a marathon session of non-communication.

"Hi S."
"Hi....ummm...ummmm...what's your name?"
"With a Z?"


"So would you say you are 10+ degrees kosher and attend the official synagogue of the list of officially approved synagogues?"
"Not exactly...."
"Is you is or is you ain't?"


"So how would you classify yourself on the 1001 degrees of Judaism scale, with 1 being willing to donate your entire life savings to the Israeli treasury and 1001 being exactly like me?"
"I'm more of a letters guy."
"So is that 567.293? I need to know right now within a 2 decimal point range of certitude."

I'm just no good at math...

1) Fine, good, or ok. No other answers will be heard. Attempts at other answers will be instantly ignored and will mark you as the guy who gives other answers and is to be avoided in the future.
2)Great, awesome, cool.
3)want you to do something for me/give me something.
4)Can I do for you... [Granted, you have no intention of doing anything for him, but play the game. If you don't see #1]...and what's in it for me?
5)Will get something you want. Unless I totally can't/won't do it.
6)Sounds great!
7)Catch you later (when I will want something else)!


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