Asiatown's amazing Korean coteacher contest

So the idea behind teaching at a public school is that a Korean speaker would teach grammar, handle phone calls from parents, wipe runny noses, etc while I work my magic and teach English through osmosis. (As I mentioned many times, Koreans believe that they can learn English by listening to a native speaker.) I do have a coteacher now but she just gave her notice and is leaving next month. Wanna be my coteacher? The requirements:

*Fluent in Korean and English (To deal with parents)
*Female (to conform to social expectations)
*Decent looking (see above)
*Have some idea what you're doing (I'm a newbie so don't look to me for wisdom. Rather, grant me wisdom.)

Martyrs need not apply. Many Koreans, their parents having been dirt poor, their grandparents in concentration camps and whatnot feel that there is a sort of nobility in misery. They take every opportunity to tell me how hard their lives are, how much they have to work, how little they are paid, etc. My family, good Jewish boys and girls, do the same thing. I don't want to hear about it. You want to see misery, go to China. Or the Sudan. Hence, the fifth and final requirement, and the most vital of them all:

*Leave me alone.